I’ve been to three psychics in my life. Two of them were amazing. One in particular is my favourite and I always leave on a high after seeing here. I always talk about her, but today id like to talk about the third one.
The not so psychic-psychic.
Some people are sceptical and let me tell you, if she was the first one I saw, I would have never gone to one again. Some people got the gift, and some people don’t.
She was the latter.
I booked her online and the day finally came. It was at her house and there dreamcatches everywhere.
Out walks a long haired blonde lady smelling of hashish and in flowy clothes. Coughing, she asks me to come in. She starts talking to her dog telling it how busy she’s been today, well me or the dog I’m not sure.
I got in there and she asked me to pick three ribbons. I’m not sure why because we never even talked about them, but that’ll come later. I pick pink, black and blue.
She asked me for everyone’s names and when I told her Domenic spells his name with an e and not an i, I thought her head was going to spin. She started calling him dominique… I mean, sure.
I’m not sure why she asked me for their dates of birth and names… Because again, she didn’t really talk about them.
She started drawing a circle, and said “life is like a circle, it goes around but you move forward into different chapters”.
She then drew this circle and stared quietly at it for about 5 minutes.
We then spoke about how I should record it, because she was going to tell me about my future. She then told me how it’s important that psychics tell the future because you pay them a lot of money.
Ohh honey I know.
She watched the recording on my phone like a clock. (I have the recording still if anyone ever wants to listen to it lol)
She then closed her eyes.
“Awwwww” she said. And then pissed herself laughing.
I thought where the fuck have I come?
“I’m seeing your babies, all drooly and cute and wonderful”..
Silence… eyes closed
My face like…
And laughs like Newman does from seinfield.
“I like this ribbon, good choice… When I say ‘I’ mean ‘you’ and when I say ‘we’ I mean your guides”
“Okay” I smile. 20 minutes has passed, surely we are getting into this shit now.
“Awwww” she closes her eyes, laughs again. “They’re telling me all the wonderful things that are happening in your life.” She looks into the corner “suppose I better tell her?” I look in the corner and the dog is sitting in his dog bed. Seems she’s having a better conversation with puppy over here.
“So why are you here?”
“Umm” I smile, thinking, again, where have I come. “I just want to know how everything is going, my kids, husband, my blog.”
“Oh yes your blog, what is about” she asks.
“Just motherhood. The struggles I guess”
Why don’t you tell me you crazy bitch.
“Oh yes. We feel It’s important to stay true to yourself. Don’t copy anyone. Write about your life. You could even write about this reading”
Oh I intend to.
“Do it as long as you love it, and when you don’t, just stop doing it. If you don’t I’ll punch you up” she said.
Somehow, I believe that crazy lady.
Closes her eyes again.
“Your guides are telling me to go easy on you because you’re very sensitive. The thing about sensitivity is…”
Suddenly I started daydreaming and Karen Carpenters voice comes into my head, “why do birds, suddenly appear..”
I tune back in and she’s still talking about being sensitive.
“What do you for work?”
“I am studying.” I reply
“Social work” I reply, nervously.
The rest is a whole lot of bla bla bla. I literally felt like I was siting next to a drunk person at a train station when I was 16. I honestly can’t even tell you what she was on about, because she then started telling me about some series on Netflix.
At the 50 minute mark, she then asked me if I had any questions for her.
I thought,’yeah, what have you been smoking.’ But I didn’t ask that… Because I’m fucking polite.
I said “yes.” Confidently. “I just want to know if my brother George is going to be okay in life”
She closes her eyes and digs deep into her mythical brain..
“George, poor George. I had a cat called George. George will be okay once he meets someone. He’s hung around the wrong crowd but it’s not his fault, he didn’t know it was the wrong crowd”.
She then told me there was angels around me, and one of them even had a shout out for George. This spirit was saying hi. Well at least George was a getting a message from the other side, true?
‘How lovely’ I thought. I thanked her and left.
I sent her a text message an hour later asking for my money back.
Naturally, She replied with a “why?”
I wrote back, “because I don’t have a fucking brother called george.”
Needless to say, I got my money back