A guide to a fussy eater 

Hello dear mother…

You’re here because like me, you have an asshole child that, every time you put some food in front of her or him, they act like you’re trying to feed them rat poison. 

“Just try it!!” You shout. 

Because you know what? You know it’s delicious… you spent 5 hours making it…. and then you find yourself wanting to shove it into their tiny cute little mouths because you know if  they just tried it, they’d love it too.

Frustrated….? oh I feel ya sister. 

Now before I go on, I must tell you, I am no parenting expert. I mean shit! you read my blogs? 

Most of the time I have NFI… but the upside is, because of this, I have gone to all these classes and so many of them have been for fussy eaters.

Okay! I hear you. Get to the point already Laura. 
Okay here it is: 

Okay, now hear me out….

There’s some nuggets on here and you’re thinking, well what kid doesn’t like nuggets… and you’re right. WHAT KID DOESN’T. 

My son LOVES nuggets, and there isn’t much else he likes.

I decided to make burritos and usually, USUALLY, he gives me that angry face and pushes it away

But when you put something he knows next to it? Something he likes? Like NUGGETS? He eats the burrito. HE EATS THE BURRITO.

He eats the nuggets and the burrito. I shit ya not. 

So the key is, to place something familiar next to a meal so they don’t have “food anxiety” 

(yeah I said food anxiety, no son of mine… I tell ya) 

So your daughter is a bread lover? Have your meal and put some buttered bread next to it. If she just eats the bread, go in another room and breathe in a bag a few times… don’t kick up a fuss, don’t even let her smell your fear, just try again the next night….and the next night (until you run out of paper bags) 

no… until they eat more than the bread. It’ll happen. 

Sometimes they freak out and want you to move the plate of the food you cooked, the main meal and they just want the bread, that’s okay too… 

the important part is you want them to trust food again (fucking ridiculous I know)… 

you just gotta be persistent and consistent. 

Another class I went to recommended feeding them whatever they want for 3 days, whatever you know they’ll eat. Pizza, whatever. 3 days! Feed them that, and then implement putting the familiar piece of food next to it. Bread, nuggets, shit on a stick… whatever. Whatever is a nice accompaniment to the food you made that came from your soul. (Pair it with wine, for yourself) 

So in short. 3 days of feeding them whatever they love for dinner, then moving that to the side, as a side of the main meal of whatever you are cooking. 
I once read something that said you should never be dishonest to children when it comes to food… well, 

But I want the kids to eat and I want them to eat veggies too.

Introducing veggie mac and cheese.

Where’s the veggies? I steamed some carrot, puréed it, and hid it! And that’s what I pretty much do A LOT.  My son also loves Mac and Cheese…. ?? 

You can pretty much do it with anything, and it’s dishonesty you can feel good about. 

Sometimes I add some on the side just so he  feels comfortable with vegetables being around (again…. ??‍♀️ ridiculous). 

Do it for pasta, do it for anything. Purée everything and hide it in everything. Do it. Dooooooo it.

There are loads of obvious tips like, that you know already I’m sure, but should mention. 

  1. Sit down for meals together 
  2. Try not to let them watch TV (although I find the more distracted the kids are the more they eat ?)
  3. Give them two options, “do you want carrot or apple?” Provides options and makes them feel in control (because they don’t fucking run shit anyway? Lol)
  4. Try smaller portions so they don’t get overwhelmed
  5. Different colours and shapes make things exciting and a little more enticing… so I’ve heard.

I hope this helps you. Whether it’ll work or not, well, don’t hold your breath, because at the end of the day… they are unpredictable assholes.

cute assholes, but unpredictable. 

And of course, if all else fails, make yourself a nice meal, sit down on the couch and I guarantee you those fuckers will be there wanting to eat what you’ve got. (My son once ate a salad because I was enjoying it)

Bon appetit ?


  1. Joy

    Thank you so much for this. Hilarious!! And super helpful since I, too, have a picky eater (asshole)! ?

  2. Hahahah! This is so useful! I don’t know how to cook, though, so I have to learn first… or I could ask the husband to do the cooking. XD

    Kids are so unpredictable. One time, we were eating steak and my daughter loves it soooo much that we promised to bring her back to that restaurant someday.

    When we did go back, we ordered the same steak and her face was like “YUUUCK!”
    She won’t even try it! Hohohoho

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