Oh my lord. Do you ever have days where everything goes so wrong you feel it’s a joke? Like God is playing a game with you and only one of you think it’s funny (it’s not me, god..)
Where do I begin? So I woke up earlier than the kids today (great success), had a shower (winning) and managed to put pants on (extra win, tiger blood winning). Luca woke up crying, not his usual chipper self.. He’s woken up too early. Thats cool, let’s get the little fella up. I go in there and he’s leaked, soaked. I can handle this, time to get dressed. “Noooooooooooooooooooooo” he screams and starts crying hysterically. Okay buddy, it’s all good. No need to cry. I just want to remove your piss stained clothes and put you into fresh clothes, I can see how that would be so horrible for you. “Come on Luca we are going somewhere fun today so you have to get dressed.”
“Nooooooooooooooooo”, more cries.
For fear he will wake up the sleeping beauty Sofia (because let’s face it, both of them demanding food from me at the same time isn’t the most fun of tasks), i say okay, no worries, lets feed your first.
I put the tv on and put water in the kettle… Coffee will surely make this day bareable.
The kettle lid breaks, the spring flies off and the kettle is broken. No coffee.
Okay, no worries. Keep chugging.
Make Luca wheetbix, he refuses to be fed, and wants to feed himself. Screams so I oblige. “Here, feed yourself”
Throws the bowl onto me. It didn’t get my pants, so that’s a win. Wipe it all up and remake it and feed him. Second time round he’s happy to eat.
Mind you, he’s still wet and his nappy is bulging but if he has food into him he will let me change him. I start stripping him off and I hear the familiar gurgling sound that never ends well.
Then I see a brown paste sliding down his leg. All over the carpet.
Quickly pick him up and he starts kicking his legs so shit is literally flying everywhere. I won’t go in deeper than that. But I’m pretty much covered in shit at this point. But that’s cool. (Oh god.. I appreciate your wonderful plan for me, but it better end in a million dollars).
Use a whole box of wipes. Shit is gone. Princess is awake. Pants are still clean. Win. (Tried to do a sniff test, but they look okay so that’s the main thing, right?)
Feed princess, she’s restless. Burp her and she then projectile vomits all over me and my clean pants.
I’m not making this up. I swear.
She smiles at me afterwards so it makes it better. I don’t change my pants. I just wear a long top to cover the vom. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
I then look for the keys so we can leave. Where the Eff are they? I remember when I was on the Phone yesterday Luca was playing with them. I look for a good hour, they’re nowhere to be found. Both kids start crying and Sofia is hysterical.
The cars motion will fix this. Get the spare key and the house key. Plonk the house key in the centre console, load crying kids up. Drive to play centre.
4 hours later, back driving home, Sofia is crying hysterically, key is wedged in centre console and won’t come out.
I fiddle and then it slides out of reach and view. The key is lost. I think to myself, is this a joke?
I call my husband who says he will meet me at home. Guess what ladies and gentlemen, he doesn’t have a key. But he will get the key out and all will be well with the world. No idea when he can get there.
I get home and Sofia is screaming so loud that the neighbours will surely think I’m killing her, and Luca is snoozing. Lol. The kid who never sleeps is sleeping.
I eventually break into the house and get in.
Sofia is on the boob and I’m writing this. But something happened in all of that that made me grin ear to ear.
When I pulled up the lights on the way home,Sofia screaming out her tiny lungs and me sprouting more grey hairs… Just when i thought that this day couldn’t get any worse… My husband pulled up behind me and smirked, all cool and casual. He looked godamn sexy from behind the wheel and gave me a nod like “what’s up, I’m here to save the day” (and clean z pool).
I swear I fell in love with him all over. He was here to save the day, and you know what? He always does. No matter what happens on a crazy day, he always supports me and comes home and fixes things. I don’t think I could go on this parenting journey without you. Even though you drive me crazy sometimes.
Sometimes you wonder where the love goes in your marriage after kids, so God (the universe, I’m all spiritual after today, dya blame me?) does something to remind you of why you fell in love with that special someone in the first place. I guess he had a plan after all.
Thanks for reading,
Love, Laura xx
P.ss thank you Dom, I love you!