Love me, even when I am unloveable 

Today I learned there are 450 million people in the world like me.

350 million people who have felt depression, anxiety, who are schizophrenic, bipolar. 

I know it’s easy to pretend it doesn’t exist or talk about our feelings. Easy to sweep it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist. But it does. There are a lot of us.

I know some days, I can be a cactus, the tighter you hug the more it pricks. But don’t stop loving me. 

I know I can be difficult, too much to bear, hard to get a long with, hard to understand, hard to be around, too much to be around… Too much. But don’t stop loving me. 

Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes I act lonely, even though you are standing next to me. I feel lonely in my head. I’m sorry if that makes you feel lonely. Let’s be lonely together, and love me. 

Sometimes I am insensitive, I say things that roll off my tongue about things that don’t even matter. I can be unloveable, but that’s when I need you the most.

On days that I am not coping, when I am withdrawn. I know I can be quiet and speak softly, so I need you to love me a little louder. 

I am not me when I am anxious, I am not me when I am sad or depressed. And it’s not your fault I am any of these things. Don’t give into the frustrations that make you want to run away from me. I am trapped in a maze and I need you to be patient when I’m finding my way out. 

I need you to hold my hand, tell me you’ll be there for me. Accept what I am going through is tough. And on days where I can’t see why you love me…

 I want you to show me that I’m loveable even if I feel I’m not. 

8 Comments

  1. Jessica S.

    Thank you to ScaryMommy for introducing me to your blog. In turn I feel as if I was also introduced to you. Hi, it’s nice to meet you. My name is Jessica and I’m a wife and mother that is living with bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I wanted you to know that I see you and I see your battle and admire you for never giving up. It is hard to be who we are but you have done a great job of doing so. I admire you for your positive messages, your vulnerability, your ability to share mental health and body struggles, but more than anything for asking for what you need. It takes a lot of pride being set aside to do that but you do it with poise. I work in a psychiatric hospital where I attend to some of those 350 million people during the worst parts of their lives. Why? My mother was too afraid to get that help and be that open as I had mentioned you are. She lost her battle to the illness 3 years ago to suicide. I was 8 months pregnant and it set me into a downward spiral. Something beautiful grew out of it though, a passion. A passion for mental health awareness. Please never stop sharing. ❤️❤️❤️

    • Wow Jessica, you have brought me to tears. What a kind and beautiful soul you are. Thank you so much for your kind words. You have inspired me. The world is an amazing place for having people like you in it. I am so sorry to hear about your mother, mental illness is so ugly. It is a horrible disease that kills but I like you hope we can all fight against it. Thank you for making me feel good about sharing. I am honoured that you commented on this. It is so nice to meet you.

  2. Beautifully written…. Couldnt stop saying that i feel exactly the same with my better half and may be i could have written this in near future… Glad i found this first 🙂 loved it

  3. Nathalie

    Merci. Si j’avais su dire ça à celui qui est devenu à présent mon ex-mari, peut-être ne serait-il pas mon ex-mari. Peut-être aurait-il compris comment continuer à m’aimer, malgré ma tristesse, malgré mon sentiment de ne pas être digne d’être aimée. Maintenant, je sais comment parler de ce que je vis, de qui je suis. Et je vois que je ne suis pas seule. Merci.

  4. You know, this post- like your others is very profound. Reading it, it felt like you took the words straight out of my mouth and I’m sure countless others. It’s honest and true. that is something to admire. Continue to speak your truth. X

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