Fuck you PMS 

When God created the human body, it’s hard to think that he wasn’t feeling a little cruel towards the female form. 

“Every month you shall bleed! Your body will cramp dull aches. You shall feel an abundance of emotions; anger, sadness, hangry, hungry, irritated, all into one”

But you know what happens if you don’t get that horrible week (or more) of Hell? 9 months later you push a bowing ball out of your tiny keyhole. At this stage, I’m not sure what’s better. 

I write this as I slowly devour a whole tub of eggplant dip. I don’t even fucking like eggplant dip. Sorry, it’s the PMS talking. Not me. This is like the third time I’ve had it in two months. Something ain’t right, but anyway, that’s for another blog. 

No one tells you, your period is worse after you have kids. It’s like Mother Nature has decided that you can deal with pain now, so let’s give it to you full-fucking-force. So not only are my boobs leaking… But now I’m dying from my uterus. 

The period symptom blaming and craziness used to be stereotypical “female bashing” to me, but now I understand my ovaries are bashing me from the inside and I eat my words. 

During this period, (no pun intended) there is a few irrational thoughts, and feelings that come out of my mouth.

Fuck life AND fuck everyone 

Fuck my husband who won’t bring me ice-cream. 

God, I love my children so much

Chocolate is so beautiful 

 I can use these emotions to write an amazing blog.  I feel so in touch with earth.

Why does he keep breathing from his nose like that? 

 I need to smother my body in food.

Food is life. 

 My body is a temple… I need to start worshipping it. Time to join a gym. 

Why didn’t I finish acting school? I could have been something. 

 Maybe I can go back, or maybe I can write a book about my life? Yesssss

Or maybe I’ll take a nap.