Doulas 

Every woman in her life needs a doula. I am not talking about the one who yells chants at you and aligns your chakras while you push a bowling ball out of your uterus, (however wonderful they are.)

 I am talking about the friends that are there in the early days when shit turns to shit and your body smells a mixture of sweat and baby vomit. When your hair has matted because it’s up in a permanent ponytail and hasn’t been washed since pre-birth days. 
When your house is scattered with soft toys and balls with bells and you’re not sure if you’re living at home or you really have turned into the crazy cat lady 

I call them doulas.

 
Doulas come over and know your every need. They bring over hot coffee, and don’t care that you’re in dirty pyjamas. They come bearing food and lactation cookies like three wise men, combined into one amazing wise woman.  

 
They come with listening ears and non judgemental mouths and definitely don’t give you any stupid advice. There will be nothing condescending that ever comes out from their lips. If you think your baby is an asshole, hey, so do they. They’ve got your back. 

 
They bring you maternity pads, and even teach you that condoms can double up as ice packs for your vag. Doulas are gurus. 

They’ve been there before 

They bring you over baby clothes and nappies they don’t need anymore, and big hugs when you need it. They come over with chocolate and all the comfort things you need. 

 
They acknowledge that your baby is cute, but they don’t forget about you, the mother. They tell you, you look great, matted hair and stink and all. 

 
They listen to you bitch about your husband, about your children, about the bastards behind you who are drilling all day. They listen to you bitch about the postman, about your life, and about how sometimes you’re just not coping. 

 
They are strong on your weak days and they make you feel brave. They tell you you’re doing a great job every day. (They even kinda make you rhyme) They’ll be there for you, through parenting thick and thin.

 
But they’re your friend, and they see you, for all that you are parent or not. They’ll rescue you even when you don’t think you need rescuing. 

 
They’re like lifelong doulas that never leave your side, and if you really want they can yell chakras at you when you need it… (I clearly don’t know what chakras are yeah)

 
They’re best friends for life, and I call them doulas ❤️