There is something that happens to a mothers brain when we eject those tiny humans out of us. All of a sudden we must put ourselves last. Our needs, our wants, our desires. We must always do the best for our child, even if that means neglecting ourselves. And sure that is okay, but it’s really not. We eject tiny humans out of our bodies, and of a sudden life is about sacrifice. Motherhood doesn’t have to be about sacrifice and guilt. For when we sacrifice and feel guilty, we right the wrongs and we are giving love right?
but that’s what motherhood is, isn’t it? If you want more, people will say to you “well don’t have kids” or “close your legs”. My particular favourite is, “ohh if you wanted sleep, why did you have kids?”
Motherhood makes us proud. It is our proudest achievement. No doubt about it.
But there is allowed to be more. You’re still allowed to be who you are. You’re allowed to want more. You’re allowed to want sleep!
I love to party, and as I go on in this motherhood journey, I realise theres nothing wrong with it. I can do it as much as I like, my husband is supportive, but I am far too tired to commit to that shit to make it a regular occurrence. Anyway, I decided Friday night I would be a selfish mother and go out. My friend and I hit the town, we had big plans to get written off, eat ourselves into an oblivion and drink cocktails. We got through about 2 cocktails, and some chinese food before we were wrecked. Our plans of staying out till 3am were all in vain. Somewhere in the night, though, we met a bloke called Vector. (Could have been Vincent, I have watched too many “Despicable Me” movies, and I was drunk off those cocktails.)
We introduced ourselves as mums, and then we had a funny conversation about how motherhood is easy and a holiday. My friend and I felt like smacking Victor/Vector/Vincent but we enjoyed his naive-ness . We listened to his want for a family, and the love in his life. He was a funny guy from Nigeria. Been here for 15 years and his outlook on life was wonderful.
He asked us, “So what do you do?”
“We told you, we are mums”
“No but what did you do before?” he asked.
No one generally cares, because once you’re a mum, that’s all you are, and wanting for more is selfish. Mothers don’t go out. We are guilt ridden sacraficing beings. Okay I am exaggerating… but still.
Something came over me and I felt suddenly so proud of myself and wanted to brag, and I told him that I was still studying, I said I am going to finish my masters, and work as a social worker. I said, I write a blog about my depression and anxiety and the struggles of motherhood in hopes to help other mums, and I occasionally write for parenting websites. My friend, she is studying to be a teacher and looks after the accounts and admin for her husbands business all whilst looking after 2 kids.
His smile grew and he gave us a big hug. (Not sure why but it makes me teary).
He could see how much that meant to us, and hugged us in a way that said he is proud that we are proud of who we are and doing what we love while still being mothers.
FUCK. we are superwomen.
We belittle ourselves so often down to “just this”, or “just that”, but we are so much more. We can be more, we can want more. None of it is selfish.
Just because we have two kids under two, doesn’t mean we have to put life on hold or we are neglectful when we are living it.
Giving love and being an amazing mother doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process.You don’t have to live in the regret and wait for the right time. You are capable of so much more, you are bigger, stronger, wiser and more beautiful to achieve anything you want. There is no good in being a martyr, it only hurts yourself. Don’t worry about perfect mums on Facebook, they’re not real. They need the most help because they feel that their worth is measured only by what they give up. You don’t need that.
Don’t put yourself last anymore mamma. Tell guilt to go fuck itself.
The only thing I’m guilty of is bad brows.. I’m werkin on it I’m werkin!