20 confessions of a shitty mother 

20 Confessions of a shitty mum. 
1. Some days my children and I will stay in pyjamas all day… and I’ll pretend we all got changed in them when my husband gets home
2. I sometimes send my son to childcare even if he has a runny nose 
3. I will happily take sleep over sex (doesn’t matter how good sex is)
4. I am often distracted by technology 
5. I don’t have a favourite, both are assholes. Just kidding, they’re both my favourite ?
6. I use my children to get out of things. 
7. If I can smell poo after 4pm, I save it for my husband. Little homecoming gift ?
8. I sometimes have dirt on my tops and I blame it on my kids even though it’s not from them
9. Even when it is from them I don’t change it. 
10. Sometimes my son will eat toast three times a day because he doesn’t want anything else and I’m too lazy to argue with him. 
11. I always blame muddling up words or forgetting things on my children and lack of sleep when really they sleep I’m just forgetful. 
12. I make up words when reading books to my toddler because I want to finish the book quicker. (Sometimes I start halfway through the book) – give me a break! We will read 20 of them in a row! 
13. I push my toddlers nap later so he can sleep the same time as his baby sister so I can watch real housewives shows or house reno shows
14. My future house is all on Pinterest but truthfully I don’t remember when I vacuumed last. 
15. I have zero printed pictures of my second born. Eeek!
16. Sometimes I imagine pretending to faint so I can go to hospital and eat jelly in peace (I don’t even like jelly)
17. I took my children to crèche at the gym and sat in the cafe drinking coffee reading a magazine 
18. I hide in my cupboard and eat chocolate, sometimes the toilet if I’m desperate 
19. If the children wake, I pretend I suffer from momentary hearing loss.
20. I don’t think I’m shitty mum, and probably will never change! ? we all do our best and sometimes it’s okay to be less than perfect because we are still good enough! 
 I love my children more than the world, and would breathe my last breath for them, but if it’s between nappies or wine, you best believe they’re going commando. ?


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